Never Discount The Value, In Any Way, When God Shows You How Much He Loves You.

This week is our family vacation. While at work, last week, i kept checking the weather because i discovered it was calling for rain. I was going to a mandisa (christian singer) concert. During the time of coping with my trauma from the sexual assault i had endured from my “best friend” mandisa’s music came on the radio. I had never heard her before, the song that came on was called, “stronger.” The chorus goes…

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you…”

Two days after the second year anniversary of his first assaults on me i found out that madisa was going to singing at a free concert. I felt like God was blessing with this cause all her songs that helped me get through that hard time were going to be done, right at the hard time in my life when the memory was extra close. I prayed to God to please hold off the rain, but bought water shoes and ponchos, as long as it didn’t poor too hard i was going. The weather changed from a chance of rain of 60 and 70 percent to 30 percent within hours. As we were driving i kept asking Him to keep it from coming, it starting raining while we were driving. I felt like He said to me, “I’ve got this, don’t you trust me?” Like He was trying to get me to just have faith that He let me know about this concert and wouldn’t let me down.

Turns out it drizzled slightly here and there, but it wasn’t bad at all. After the concert and all the songs that pulled me through and gave me strength had been sung she had a meeting session. I was able to meet her, get pictures with her, and get her autograph. It may seem like a small thing to some, but to me, wanting to see her live and meet her, it felt like a great gift from God. (Something I never would dream could happen)

We went on the rest of our vacation and it was still calling for rain, but aside from one or two short heavy showers, we had sun and overcast. We were blessed with beautiful weather, a full heart, and a love that i felt poured out to me. Sometimes i think, what would make me so special that God would prove He can do anything, just for me. I felt like He was, in a sence, showing off because there are so many times my mind wrestles with itself. The horrible flesh that tries to make me doubt that there is a God that cares so much for each child He created. Sometimes my mind tries to tell me that i am believing in something just because i want there to be something out there that is beautiful and fights for me, that is my defender

“another great song by the way.” Cause i was having false things spread about me about being assaulted. I was being slandered by the one who assaulted me and felt i needed to defend myself to everyone of what really happend, but this song came through my facebook and helped me see… God is my healer of my heart from what happened, my defender in any situation ( He knows the truth, i owe no one anything cause it’s me and God. He knows what i was going through, what my thoughts were in the momemts of the assault and he knows how i broke away from the situation. no matter what people believe or say about me, God will defend my reputation and He will make the truth know for me.)

Chorus
You’re my defender
You fight for me
I will remember
You’re all I need
You are my healer
My remedy
Against the power of the unknown
And I will not stand alone
‘Cause You’re my defender

So, it may be through something small, it may seem like it’s nothing to someone else, but He shows Himself to each person in His own special way that means something to them, and if He thinks it is special enough to use to let you see how real He is, then it must not be too small a thing after all. I love small reminders of His love for us and i love how He proves Himself when our minds start playing tricks on us. The bible says, “only a fool has said in his heart there is no God.” The God I serve sees when my heart starts to sway and reaches out to me and says, let me remind you of just who I am. It’s amazing how He doesn’t turn His back on us when we become confused and start doubting. instead He proves Hinself by showing; I am your healer, comforter, redeemer, judge, father, defender, forgiver, and hope. No matter how small, let Him always remind you who He is and how much He loves you and if you feel you don’t deserve his love, remember everyone in the bible that was so close to God, they all had their failures and God always picked them back up and used them… And forgave them.

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Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

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