Celebrity assault

see my personal story here
Some people have been talking about the celebrities assault/rape non stop. I have to see it constanly on the “Meg kelly show” daily. This is annoying cause every day that it’s on it makes me start thinking about J. It makes me start feeling angry, hurt, and pissed that he got by with it.  People question, “why did they wait so long,” they say, “it’s just for money.” “Everything is going to be sexual assault and we won’t be able to touch at all or do anything.” I thought, good! What gives perverts the right to keep touching anyway? At first i thought the same things as alot of other people, until i felt just a fraction of what these people went through. Now i understand the feelings of the victims. You’re made to feel guilty, shamed, or you are threatened with some form of blackmail. You’re scared how the world will judge you. You already know that the assaulter is going to lie to cover up what he did. Everything you have ever said to them in the past will be twisted for their benefit. Sometimes you don’t even know you have been assaulted till later. I was pushed and pushed by my attacker. He was told no and he sexually touched me anyway. He talked and talked and touched and touched until he finally had me to the point that i didn’t push him off of me and let him kiss me. Even when i wanted him to stop it, i just let him keep on cause i was so tired of fighting his pushing. His manipulation is a beast! He would cry, boo hoo and nag, like a spoiled brat, till he finally got his way. It took me a long time to see all that. I wantes to hide it from the world cause i was afraid of how i would be looked at and he knew that, thats why he always tried to threaten me into silence. One day i just woke up and realised, i have to help people. There are other sick people out there like him destroying lives. So i told my story, he still threatens with messages, but never showed my husband one thing cause he knows they are really incriminating him, not me. So that’s why people wait. You have pressure like you can’t imagine, fear, shame, guilt, so many emotions. If it takes decades till you can talk about it, So be it. It’s your attack and have you every right to tell how you really feel. The more come forward, the safer we may be. It’s time for us to bring awareness and be a part of the solution, not part of the problem by living in silence.

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Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

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