Sexual manipulation… Fogiveness is the hardest step.

see my “me too” story here
This picture is an honest view of sexual manipulation. they pretend to be your friend, brainwash you into thinking they care about you and that they have your best interest at heart… Even when the mask is off and the true beast shows, you are so blinded by this time that it’s hard to see the real identity. Some people never do. Even after the time had come that i broke away from my sexual assaulter i was missing him. I felt like part of me Was now dead. It wasn’t that i was upset that i chose to tell my husband how i was feeling about our marriage and how i thought i liked J, and it wasn’t because i chose to stay in my marriage instead. I think it was because J was always making me feel bad that i didnt leave my husband, he was even condescending that i was “to good to have an affair.” He didnt care how he would have gotten me, just so long as he did. He even tried to come to the place i was working after he knew i was staying with my husband. The same manipulation, ” what’s wrong with a friend coming in to get something to eat?” He said. I felt myself starting to weaken as he kept on trying to negotiate coming to see me, again as he always did. Even though i was missing him, cause i knew i was going to stop this obsession, i was slowly getting my own will back.  I had to fight my own self, yet couldn’t understand why i was confused and feeling withdraw. Much later i read that when you have been in a brainwashed or manipulated relationship it is very normal to miss the manipulater/brainwasher. I had to stand against my own feelings that he had tricked me into developing with his retraining of my brain. To this day i still feel a small struggle, but i think that is because i had been so close to him for 2 or 3 years. Breaking down a wall of that amount of time is tough to destroy when your mind has been heavily compromised. I feel sad that he is gone, but i feel very angry at him at the same time. I believe this is normal, the heart was made to have feelings of hurt, loss, pain due to betrayal, and anger. I have to keep myself in check because i know if i don’t, i could do something seeking revenge, but where would that get me? It’s better to work on forgiveness toward him and myself for not being strong as i thought i was. I have crossed a huge bridge because i miss him less every day…. Almost to the point that i only have anger for what he did… What he put me through. Now i am working on forgiveness to the point where i dont contemplate the amazing things that could happen to destroy his happiness. I like to think of it as steps.

1. Obsession over.

2. Rediscover myself and stop being who He wants me to be.

3. Stop feeling guilty from what he was trying to hold over my head. (Blackmail by a manipulater.)

4. Realize what i am missing was fake and manipulated, a retraining of the brain.

5. Replace the loneliness of him being gone from my life with anger for him fooling me, using me, and abusing my friendship.

6. After the anger has built the tough skin to never let him back in my life and come to full grips with what a creep (piece of crap) he really was, work on forgiving him for being a piece of crap and decieving me… Forgive myself for not seeing it before it started consuming me. Learn how to just let it go.

Number 6 is the hardest, but that is what brings real peace,and peace is what i or anyone else that has been a victim like this needs.

Comments on how to work on forgiveness are welcome, please feel free to share.

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Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

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