I never could understand why he was being so mean to me, yet claimed to love me. I found myself lashing back at him in self defense. I knew i was angry at him for what he had done. Maybe i was finally starting to realize that he was acting almost like a sexual prediter, but i was trying to block it out at the same time. I didn’t want to believe that this guy i had been making excuses for to my husband could be so horrible. I deleted all our conversations cause i didn’t want any memory of what had went on. I just wanted to be left alone, and erase everything from my mind. I still was having so many mixed emotions over the whole thing. I felt sad and missed talking to him, but was glad to have him leave me alone. There were times little things would play in my mind that he had said, or done making it hard on me. The Times he would message me saying how he loved me, how i was in a marriage that would go back to being bad after a year. The Times he would tell me My husband didn’t love me. Tell me nothing my husband said to rebuilt our relationship sounded sincere. I had enough at one point and told him, ” it seemed sincere in the shower.” Of course he through a guilt trip on me for making him have a visual of me having sex with my husband. He would put me down mentioning he knew i was having sex with my husband and that it was unfair that he had to think about that and that he wasn’t getting any. He put me down for getting pregnant with my son and acted like i had no right to do that cause i, at one point, said i wouldn’t want to have another child with my husband cause i didn’t trust him. There are signs to watch for manipulaters and i strongly suggest people Google the heck out of it so they will be aware and watch for the signs Of people who take advantage and start a process of brainwashing. Once people started coming forward about sexual assault on the news and the “me to” starting showing up on fb, i started thinking about it. At first i thought, thank God i have never been in a situation like these women. A few more days went by and while i was driving to work all of the sudden this guy popped in my head again. It was like a wave of realization swept over me and i suddenly put all the pieces together. I had been sexually assaulted, minipulated, pushed emotionally, in my moments of weakness, i confided to him about my marriage. It had all been used to his advantage. He would drill things in my head how he was such a good guy. He started out slowly with touching many times and used a poor me, no one loves me attitude. if i would say no to hanging out, he made me think it was my fault that he couldn’t be happy, but at the same time brainwashed me into thinking i was in control cause we hung out a couple times and was on his best behavior. The anger built more and more as i started replaying it all in my head. Even after i tried to get away from him he would drill in my head that it was my fault that he was in so much pain. He had me saying sorry constanly. He would never own up to what he did. After googling if it was possible to be manipulated into having an affair i was fully aware of just what he had done. He groomed me, drilled me, made me think only he loved me, and tried to seduce me with his forceful touching and sexual messages. It’s true that in the beggining i could have put a stop to it. When i was feeling uneasy about hanging with him alone, the things he was saying to make me feel loved, i should have put a stop to it, but he was so smooth in the way he talked and i thought i was in control and could just get to know him without being “involved.” I had it in my head, and had told him that i was waiting for my husbands next screw up. He wouldn’t wait for that and he didn’t care about the fact that i was married. All he cared about was controlling me and getting me anyway he could. Always keep your eyes open and don’t let anyone fool you. If someone is pushing you and drilling every nagitive thought into your head about your marriage and is not willing to be a gentleman, there is a huge problem! I was fooled alright, but thank God i wasn’t fooled to the point of a full blown adulterous affair. He even shamed me for that, he sarcastically complained that i was too good to have an affair, yet he spread on his fb that i did. The truth is he knows that he sexually assaulted me and i believe he was scared. Scared that i would tell his girl friend, his friends, though he feed me a line many times that he didn’t have any, that i was almost his only friend. If any of this sounds like you, be careful. People out there watch for signs of things in people like us. We fall victimized so easily, but there are steps to not let it happen. I will be sharing quotes and links for pointers on easily targeted people, and a manipulaters pattern.
“Even the threat of exposing the affair is a powerful force in manipulating the cheater’s behavior.”
“With brainwashing, the seducer manipulates the environment. They use mental, spiritual and emotional ploys in trapping and controlling the cheater. Each of these ploys are used to take charge or control of their target in some dimension.”