5 victim of manipulated affair

shorter story of my assault click here

Seeing that i was coming undone mentally and losing control, control i thought i had that i really didn’t, i started the conversation with my husband. After 10 years of marriage with; drugs, alcohol, porn, belittling, online sexting, fights, and slightly physical violence, i was sure i could push him hard enough to get the answer out of him, the one he had been holding back for many years because of our two girls. I had it all worked out, his get out of jail free card, but he wouldn’t take it. After talking and talking i couldn’t get it out of him that he really wanted a divorce. I had heard him say it in the past, but now he seemed more devastated. We had been split up for a week and a half a couple years before that. It didn’t really seem to bother him. So, it seemed to me we were both stuck in something neither one of us really wanted to be in. This time it was different. So, i made the comment, fine I’ll stay another 10 years. In my head i was thinking, great, more hell. Why don’t i just leave? This other guy was being so sweet, and i really was starting to see my life with him, let’s not forget he had me brainwashed, he’s a smooth talker, and He was one heck of a good liar. After this he starting taking all crazy and i couldn’t understand half of what he was talking about. The conversation was all over the place. Here was an uphill climb. I had my “friend” acting like he was losing his mind and very unhappy with me, i felt horrible cause i was hurting him, but i knew i owed him nothing cause i was married and i had asked him to wait, But he wouldn’t. He had no one to blame but himself, but i still didn’t see it that way. He had ways of talking that were belittling, ways to make you feel bad when he was really the one forcing himself on you and making bad choices. He was the one that didn’t understand the word no. I was so minipulated by him that i found myself saying sorry to him over and over, and yet he would still say condescending things and make my heart ache. During this time my husband had become friends with him on Facebook, we both were brainwashed into feeling bad for him. Knowing that i had chose to stay with my husband and we chose to allow him to remain a friend you would think that He would have been grateful, but oh no. He bashed my husband with negativity, constantly down him for” abusing me.” never even the words i used. I simply told him two things that had happened. He took it and ran making my husband sound like the worst wife abuser ever. Between them both messaging me back and forth, fighting like teenagers, that’s when i found out he had been calling my husband out on any little thing i told him about. So much for speaking in confidence. I told him to block him. I sent him a message giving him a piece of my mind and scolded him for telling my husband everything i had told him. My mind wonders now.. Why would you do something to piss someone off unless you wanted them to get hurt? Shortly after that my husband and i went on vacation. We were like a newly Wed couple. All the things that i had been missing were here, but by my husband instead of someone who claimed to love me so much. never forget, if someone loves you they won’t force you into something that they know you are not comfortable with. They wouldn’t keep harassing you when you have been clear that you just wanted to get to know them and put a bigger relationship on hold till you knew what was going on with the one you were unsure of. Marriage should be for life and no one should ever try to keep drilling it in your head that you need to leave, specially when you tell them you chose to give it one more shot. If they are fighting really hard by using all the negative stuff you told them and playing down the few good things, that is a problem. Everyday was more brainwashing. I didn’t see it that way, not for over a year. In my mind he was trying to rescue me from a fake love. In his mind he was playing on my emotions with anything he could to get me to break. When he touched me and tried seducing me be groping me, that wasn’t an act of love, that was an act of trying to get me to have sex. Thank God i had it in me to force him away. Now, back to our vacation. I’ll admit that for a good while everything my husband said and did felt fake. I had been down this road before where he would get a little romantic, but it would always go away. The drugs would start again, and we would start living the same old separate life style. Over a couple of weeks it started to feel real. He didn’t stop being kind, he continued to act like i was there living with him. Vacation was unlike any we had ever had. Even while dating we were not this into each other. It was a week of pure bliss that we called our second honeymoon. Even when we came home things were still going well. Then one day we woke up in the morning and my husband said, guess who emailed me from a new account? It was him.. He sent my husband an e mail saying how he was so wrong and he was sorry, but sent me one of total opposite. He told me i had only used him to make my husband jealous, that i had been unfaithful and didn’t care about my vowels, just insult after insult. I cried because i had always been there for him through all his problems. Hours and hours i had put into listening to him go on and on with his depression and negativity talk. I emailed him back and set him straight. Over time my husband and i agreed to let him remain friends with us. We both were sucked into his poor me dramatic fish line. We set boundaries for him and i told him to contact me no more then once a week privately. He told me friends don’t tell you how often you can talk to them. Before when he was wanting my friendship back He was begging for anything to be friends. Claimed he couldn’t live without our friendship. He told me that he tried to kill himself 5 times and that he had thought about getting some stone or whatever that you use as a spell to remove all love from your heart. I was starting to see that he was nuts. Little by little he started treating me very rude. He was playing things off as a joke, but being mean to me by saying insults. He use to jokingly insult me before, but it was different. Now he was just turning plain mean. He would be negative to almost everything i said. Always bring up how i hurt him. I would say i was sorry all the time. It never seemed to be enough. After a while i started thinking, wait, why am i sorry.. He is the one that pushed this, he is the one that said the fight for me was worth it. It’s not my fault that he got hurt. He should have backed off! I started feeling angry. I was getting angry at how he pushed, angry how he was starting to treat me at times. To top it off he wouldnt respect my boudaries of only messaging once a week. He started sending pictures and gifs every day or a couple times a day. I was getting more upset by the day cause i could see he was playing a game. He would be nice for a while, But then he would be mean. When i tried to encourage him or point out his lack of faith in something, or suggest things to try to help him with his poor me moments, he would just be sarcastic and get nasty with me. Once i suggested him to go to college while he was waiting on God to send him someone. I told him that women like security and he didn’t have a job right now so women may find that unappealing. I explained to him that women want to know they will have a place to live and be able to care for a family. He just started being rude and lashed out saying if all a woman cared about was if he had money he didn’t want to be with anyone. Funny how i was only suggesting what he himself said he was going to do a year or so prior to that. I had many times told him i couldn’t talk all the time Cause i had a family to care for, that it also wasn’t right to be talking privately cause i was married. Spite of everything that had happened between us and the fact that i proved my point he still kept contacting me almost daily. Finally, one day after the 3rd gif and him messaging me saying pay attention to me! I got very blunt and told him i didn’t have time to keep taking and commenting on pictures. I said i wished he had a family and was busy so he would understand. I claimed i never said i wished he had a family, so maybe i was only thinking it… No proof one way or another. I also had asked if he had a life outside of Facebook. He said he did but multitasked. I Told him i didn’t think he did. He could say whatever he wanted to me and i was to just take it, But God forbid i say anything. He claimed he liked honesty, but the minute i would be honest he would get angry and so rude. His constant negativity was overwhelming. After this last talk He responded with i can’t talk right now I’m busy. Instead of trying to understand he just got his cocky I’m better then you attitude on again. I said, good. That was the last of it. finally the harassment stopped. During all this time i had also found out that i had become pregnant with our 3rd child. So much for the paraguard working. This was a shock but it was very welcome cause i had been contemplating having another one. I posted stuff on fb about a game for guessing if it would be a girl or boy, updated my cover photo to blue and pink stuff, as well as my profile picture. Half an hour later he posted on his wall pregnant women are so annoying, fact. After this i unfollowed him. I found no need to bother taking to him publicly or like his stuff when he was being a total jerk to me. After a few months i went back and started following him again to see if he had calmed down with his melodramatic ways. I found that he now had a girlfriend and was very happy. I felt happy for him. I had been praying for God to send him someone and it finally happened. I thought this was great! Now we could all be friends like he claimed he wanted if he ever found someone.


Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

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