3 victim of manipulated affair

click for shorter story of my sexual assault

3
If you had told me 2 years ago that being brainwashed/manipulated into an affair was possible, i would have disagreed. I would have fought you on it stating that everyone makes their own choices. I have been brought up in church believing that the greater power out there known to us as satan.. You have to fight him against the temptation. Well, this is true to a point, but something else that is true is there are people out there that have studied how to brainwash people. A year after this alleged affair i started really looking at myself thinking how this was in no way me. I would never make a choice to throw everything away just cause i felt unloved in my marriage. Honestly, i had gotten myself pretty use to being ignored. I had my kids and the tv to occupy my time, To fill the void.. Plus I had the one friend I always talked to. The one that was as lonely as i was, so it was no big deal. I started focusing on him and his problems. What i didn’t know was people like him look for people like me. Kind, see the best in others, have trouble saying no to people, want to fix problems for other people. On and on it goes. He made me think that the friendship was developing on my terms. Ok.. Let’s Speed up the time… Cause we all want to get to the juicy stuff of what happened. Was it a scandal, full blown cheating, or a simple mistake, or Was is manipulation? Everyone will have their own opinion, specially if it never happens to them. I went to the mall in the summer of 2016, where he worked in one of the Independent stores. I needed to exchange a broken bottle of spray to bath and body works. I was going to stop in and say hello to him. True i knew he had feelings for me at this time, but he still wanted to continue friendship cause i was his go to person. He stated he didn’t really want to involve my husband cause it was starting to hurt seeing us together, but he couldn’t lose me a his best friend. He told me hanging out really helped his depression. So i stopped in to say a harmless hello. I didn’t see him so i messaged him to see if he was in the back working. He said no but asked if i wanted him to come so we could hang out. I said sure, i could start my Christmas shopping. He finally showed up and started slightly touching my hands where i was sitting waiting for him. He started looking at my wedding band saying he would have bought me a better one. I slowly pulled my hand back and we got up to go shopping. While we were looking at stuff he kept putting his arms around me, like a hug from behind. I would walk away to make him let go of me, but he would do it again later. It was making me very uncomfortable, but for some reason i couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. While in a store with furniture he wanted to sit on the couch. Let’s try it out he insisted. I sat down beside him thinking, i am never hanging out with him again. He can’t keep his hands off me and he’s making me feel very uncofortable. He started like nibbling at my ear. I felt numb and my mind was going blank. I finally stood up after a few minutes and moved on. At some point i did tell him no. I remember in a facebook message him asking why he couldn’t hold me, he kept trying to insist that it wasn’t cheating if we just held hands. at some point in messenger he was saying if i didn’t know he was going to kiss me it wouldn’t be wrong. I had told him no, he shouldn’t do that. While we were out i kept telling him no, by passing his hands away and off. I kept telling hin he couldn’t do this cause it was not right. He started almost pouting. He walked away from me and i felt more of a pissed vibe. I told him to stop acting so upset, but he claimed he wasn’t. Later he wanted to stop in the book store, so we did. He went and got a book of sexual positions. I slammed the book shut and told him that was disgusting. He said he was showing me what we could do if we ever ended up together. In my mind i thought, he means if i leave my husband and he and i get married. my mind was starting to think in divorce mode off and on toward the end of this “affair” cause he was prepping it to go that way. I was standing there in the middle of the aisle when suddenly he kissed me. I couldn’t believe it! I know he had talked about it, but i didn’t think he would do it. Specially after i finally got him to keep his hands off me. We left shortly after that. The next many days we messaged back and forth, as we had been doing for a couple of years. He would start telling me all the things a woman who’s been in a 10 year marriage needed to hear. The attention, the sweet charming warm and fuzzy bull crap. I managed to get it through his head that he couldn’t be touching all over me. He still wanted to hang out and promised to keep his hands off of me. I told him i dont really go places, just to the grocery store and such. He said he needed to go grocery shopping so he wanted to come. So i said ok and we met there and shopped together. After some time went by he went for a walk with me. He was well behaved. Not touching, just talked about his mom, talked crap about her. In the meantime while walking he broke me down and got me to talk more about bad things in my marriage. After i spoke of the things that were making me so upset in my marriage i thought, how did he do that? I didn’t want to talk about this with him. The online conversations went back and forth between being friends to him trying to seduce me. He talked about things he would do after we were married or together. The main two things i remember is him talking about me fixing supper and after he would clean up the dishes while i was getting my kids ready for bed after supper was over, Then how he would sweetly try to talked me into getting it on with him. My response was, “wow you would do the dishes?” He also went into discription in the shower, i dont remember my response to that, but i didn’t i play along with his perverted and sick ways. I always steered the conversation away from the sexual content. He played plenty on trying to make me feel good without it being sexual with romantic talk too. At one point, cause he was being so demanding, i said how would you feel If you had a man touching all over your wife and talking to her like this. He said he would be angry and went into detail of how he would deal with it. He finally admitted that he needed to stop persuing me so hard and back down. I thought.. Great.. Now i am getting through to him. He was making me like him so much with his smooth talking And making me feel good about myelf. Bragging me up telling me how i was helping his depression so much and making it so he didn’t hate life anymore. His biggest line from memory was, but you make my depression go away when I’m with you. I would tell him no to hanging out, then i would end up doing it anyway. By the 4th time we hung out his message prior to that was very obvious with his intentions, but i thought i was in control, and thought he was just teasing. He joked around so much that it was hard for me to believe he was meaning what he said. He wanted to hang out so i said he could hang out with us during the 4th of July celerbration. He sated he would feel uncomfortable being with my husband cause it hurt too much. I told him i could sneak off for maybe half an hour to come say hi. At some point he said i think i may kiss you. He had said this a couple more times. I told him no you won’t. It almost was like a game back and forth. It took me over a year later to figure out he was brainwashing me. To keep repeating it but always turn around and say he was really trying hard to keep his hands off. I thought he was honestly trying to be a gentleman, now i know he was manipulating me. One of the preyers tactics is to make the victim believe that you are still in control. They retrain your brain and after that they start pulling you deeper into an affair. You would think i could have snapped out of it with reading his messages. If i were to go back and read them now i would probably see everything clearly, but because i was being groomed slowly and getting very tired from staying up all hours of the night talking to him my brain was sinking more into his level. I started feeling like i owed him my time at the same time craving to talk to him. So, the 4th was here and i really wanted to hang out with him.. Cause i felt like getting to know him would be good cause i wanted out of my marriage by this point. I wanted to just get to know him as a person and wait for the right moment to say good bye to this other life that i hated. So i said i think i have to go to walmart. I also realized i couldn’t keep doing this. So, i also had in my mind i was going to tell him we couldn’t hang out anynore. He was pushing too hard, to fast and i was getting so weak in wanting to start hanging out with him. I was seriously so scrambled i didn’t know what i was doing. We met up and after a few minutes he pushed me against the shelf and starting kissing me. I just let him. I stood there like it was normal to kiss this guy. While we were walking again i was totally blank. Not one thought in my head. At some point he did it again and i thought.. Wait… This isn’t me. I’m not this kind of person. It’s like i suddenly remebered i was married. We started talking and i said do you know how hard this is.. I felt ready to be with him, but not ready to end my marriage at this moment. He told me we could get through it together. He would be beside me the whole way. I really was starting to think i could be falling in love with this guy. Then he crossed another line. He put his arms around me like he had been constantly doing cause he doesn’t know how to stop. He put his hand down on my femine area (groped me) trying to seduce me. My mind was spinning! I pushed and pushed to get his hands off but he tried to stop me for a few seconds. He finally let go.

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Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

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