10 victim of a manipulated affair

shorter story of my assault click here.

I found this to be a good read as well. I felt it Very well described what i had been through with this guy. It really helped me understand what had happened to me. For over a year i went through life not understanding myself.. Why i had let this go on how it did. All these articles and links helped me to forgive myself and understand that i Wasn’t a bad person. I was just one that needed to learn to stop being a target, to share my story with others out there so they don’t have to go through the hell and destruction of being a victim and being shamed for it. Though not every single thing in the article is accurate, most of it was.
Let me explain. You’re well aware that you can be seduced. Although you want to think that you can resist that seduction, some lovers are highly skilled in arts of seducing.

When a skilled seducer is at work, they stack the deck in their favor. They often use the environment, circumstances and timing to their advantage. They use forms of mental manipulation, threats of lawsuits and even chemicals to enhance their seduction.

Even the threat of exposing the affair is a powerful force in manipulating the cheater’s behavior.

The mental seductions they use are potent. When those mental seductions are combined with alcohol, drugs or peer pressure, the likelihood of resistance is minimal.

If their target opened themselves up to spiritual seductions and influences, the likelihood of resistance to seduction is even less. When I mention resistance, I am referring to the likelihood of the victim having the conscious ability to say “No” to the advances and ploys of the seducer.

When it comes to seduction, the “Just say NO” policy is not strong enough. The preferred policy is running away.

Like it or not, those people who hold to Bible based values and teachings are less likely to be seduced. There are some religious seducers, but I’ll deal with that population in a later post.

Those holding to Biblical values have likely not opened themselves up to the influences which make seduction via brainwashing easier.

With brainwashing, the seducer manipulates the environment. They use mental, spiritual and emotional ploys in trapping and controlling the cheater. Each of these ploys are used to take charge or control of their target in some dimension.

Since they use tried and trusted ploys, they are experienced in what they are doing. Words are used like weapons in wearing down even the likelihood of resistance.

They make it hard to say no. That option is removed from the table.

After softening up their target and reducing the likelihood of saying no, they begin sexualizing the relationship along with increasing the sensuality. By shifting the focus to a sensual one, and increasing the emphasis on sexual matters, they manage getting the target worked up to the point that the target wants release of sexual tensions.

When the desire to release sexual tensions overpowers their resistance, the seduction has been accomplished.

Once the seduction happens, there’s a danger of it happening again. Now the seducer has the added dimension of guilt/shame for use against their target.

In such circumstances, the cheater may not have wanted to cheat, yet didn’t have the mental and spiritual stamina to say ‘No’. They were too weak minded or emotionally overwhelmed to resist.

When such brainwashing seductions occur, they are powerful and more about control than they are about the sex. Being able to take control of another person is a powerful motivator for seducers.

The longer the affair continues, the greater the likelihood that the seducer takes the relationship to deeper levels of deprivation. With each level of deprivation, they have more guilt, which means more control over the cheater.

Breaking the brainwashing can be done, but often requires considerable effort to accomplish.

If you discover this kind of seduction occurring, action is needed. What starts off as a seduction into an affair leads to exploitation and brokenness.

My ending to the story of this part of my life is this..

What started as a war zone changed into something beautiful. I had amazing faith in my husband, but over time i lost it. We went through hell and almost didn’t come out of it. Maybe me being manipulated and brainwashed was a good thing cause in the end it saved us. I lost the friendship of who i thought i was helping, but now i know, he was never really a friend. He was a stalker that was very slick. He moved like a snake and once i knew what he really was he tried to blackmail me and cause hell in my marriage even after i told him i was staying. No affair is right, physically or mentally, but this one to two month long, for lack of better word, affair, it made us stronger and pull together in a way we never had before. It taught us how to talk, how to love, and how to stop fighting all the time. So to my former stalker, sexual assaulter, manipulater… Thank you! Thank you for helping me see who i really am and knowing how to protect myself from people like you. I went through a lot of pain, as well as my husband, a true test of pure hell. For a while, i thought i was going to lose my mind, but then i realized one thing.. I have my husband and kids and we make one amazing team!

My husband is drug free, no longer drinks, is considerate, and has my back. Going strong together a year and a half later, and i truly believe from here out will only get better.

#sexual assault is not ok# don’t give up#stand your ground and don’t be a victim.


Author: heidifowler

I'm a 34 year old with 3 wonderful kids, an amazing husband that ended up rescuing me from who i thought was trying to rescue me. i am the woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. i am not who i was a little over a year ago. last year i was easily manipulated, being made to feel guilty, and struck down by people i trusted. this year i have learned about myself and still learning...how to be strong. how to protect myself and never be a victim again.

2 thoughts on “10 victim of a manipulated affair”

  1. OMG! Your so awesome. I’ve beat my head for 4 months over what happened with my wife. You have an exact match! Although I think you may need to add that the personality disorder your friend had is likely sociopathy. Unfortunately, my marriage is still freshly scarred by the same type of person who took advantage of her while drinking. Thanks for you strength and your story. I wish to tell ours someday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry to hear that you guys went through that! Our marriage took a while to heal, but we did get there. Once I opened up to what really happened, and what he did to me. That was the first step. he is definitely is a Sociopath! Trust me, it hurts a long time, but it will get better, she will get better, and it will most likely make the both of you and your marriage stronger than ever. If I could only have a do over… I would have kicked… slapped… but, I believe i needed to go through this if for nothing else, to let other people see, marriage doesn’t always have to fall apart, it just has to find a way to be restored, and it showed me how manipulative people are and how a person’s mind can be Compromised, even when they don’t realize it’s happening. I wish you both all happiness and pure joy. You guys will get through this.


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